Happy Valentine's Day!

From Me to You!

A British Nanny has stolen his heart.

I never thought it would happen to me, but my husband is in love with another woman. Her name is Mary Poppins.

I really can't blame him. I mean, she is practically perfect in every way.

His obsession is getting serious. He bought the movie soundtrack "for our son" for Christmas and now it's playing non-stop in his car. Yes, even when there's no toddler in the back seat.

A couple weeks ago, Dave took his car in for service and he realized he left the Mary Poppins soundtrack playing when he dropped the car off... by himself. I've got to wonder what they thought when they turned on the car to hear "It's a Jolly Holiday" or something equally as jovial.

But I should clarify. I don't think he's actually crushing on Mary Poppins. I think he's relating to George Banks. In fact, if anyone wants to do a production of "Mary Poppins" in northern Utah, they'd be crazy not to cast Dave as George Banks. He's got every lyric memorized and he sings along with great gusto. And he leads his subjects: servants, children, wife, with a firm but gentle hand. Just like George.

All teasing aside, I'm a lucky girl. Dave is the kind of guy who hates most media and won't even watch a PG-13 movie if it's questionable. Which means he fully embraces wholesome, family-oriented entertainment. And when I say "embraces," I mean it. And the reason he likes this one so much is because of its message that raising children is more important than raising money. Or, as Bert explains in a reverse-psychology kind of way at the end:

"You've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone,
Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve.
And all too soon they've up and grown,
And then they've flown,
And it's to late for you to give..."

But "Poppins!" (as the movie is known in our house) has become a family obsession, you could say. A couple months ago I heard our 2-year-old son in the kitchen chanting "Step in time, step in time." I peeked around the corner and saw him dancing along with his own accompaniment. And now he loves to sing "Let's Go Fly a Kite."

And then there's me. I totally want Mary Poppins and Bert to hook up. They need to make a sequel. Oh, and you know that part where Mary's reflection sings like an opera diva in "A Spoonful of Sugar?" I sing along there - And nail it! But really, if I were to try out for this local production I'm suggesting, I think I would want to play Mrs. Banks. I've got that whole "Sisters Suffragette" thing down.

This has been my humble submission for Sue's Very Funny Friday.

These pants aren't gonna fit today.

Today has been one of those days. Let's just say I'm thankful for stretchy pants and 800mg Motrins that were prescribed for my sprained ankle a few weeks ago.

It's also been a day of introspection, as stretchy-pants-and-Motrin days tend to be.

We'd like to have another baby. But babies don't come to us easily, which means that I spend about half of my life wondering if I am pregnant and the other half split between bemoaning the fact that I'm not pregnant and trying to get pregnant.

Which leaves little time for physical fitness, don't you agree? I don't want to start a fitness program if I am pregnant (which I never am, BTW. Well, I was once.) I'm not in the mood to start a fitness program in the week that I'm confirmed un-pregnant, and there are more important things on the agenda in the week that I'm trying to become pregnant. And so it goes.

But something's got to give.

This morning as I was "checking my stuff," I read a blog post from my cousin's wife, Roxanne, who is inspirational in countless ways. Seriously. You should meet her. On her blog she announced she was preparing for two marathons this summer and asked if anyone would like to join her. I commented that I have dreams of being a marathon runner, but I am so far from being able to do it. She came to my blog and left a comment (because she's nice like that) that she was sure I could be ready for a 5k in time, and that if I was serious, she would help me get there.

So I'm taking her up on it. In fact, I immediately went looking for my running shoes.

Not in the coat closet. Not in my bedroom closet. This is a bad sign. Has it really been that long?

I search the garage which is full of boxes we haven't yet unpacked from our move. There's one running shoe. I'm gonna need two. The search continues. I find my bathroom scale. Do I dare? I dare. It's bad news.

I find a pair of shoes that will do. I pack my son on my hip and with a "Curious George" DVD in hand, we head downstairs.

I plug in the treadmill, awakening it from a very long coma. It works! I try to adjust the incline. And now the treadmill doesn't work anymore. I cuss at it. (Not a real swear word. Those aren't allowed. Just something that would make Dave ask me "What are you cussing about?" To which I would respond, "I'm not cussing! Why the heck do you always have to ask me that?!")

So I give up on the treadmill and give the elliptical a reason to exist for 10 minutes. So I did something at least. Something that will get me just a little bit closer to being the hottie that I'm supposed to be.

I have a 10-year high school reunion coming up. I don't want to be fat for that. Dave doesn't understand why I care. He doesn't understand why I would want to go to my reunion in the first place (we had very different high school experiences), and he especially doesn't understand why I would care about impressing anybody.

But here's the thing. I don't care about impressing anyone. The huge popularity of this blog (check out my 9 followers!) and my smokin' hot husband are all I need to impress anyone.

It's just that... I'd rather not know that everyone's first thought at seeing me is "She's gained weight." I'd like to spare my own feelings from knowing that shame a couple hundred times in one night. Am I too self conscious? Maybe. Do I care too much what other people think? Definitely.

So no more banana cookies for breakfast. And when I'm finally lookin' fly, I'm going to try to be a JCPenney model.

Keeping teens out of trouble

I've figured it out. It's banana cookies.

I don't have very much motherhood experience yet, but it wasn't very long ago that I was a teenager myself. I was a pretty good kid. I cared a lot about making my parents proud. And I only snuck out once.

(Since my parents are going to read this... Mom and Dad, that thing about sneaking out once was just a joke. Nicole and I never snuck out of her house and we absolutely did not let Robyn's car roll down the hill before we started it so their parents wouldn't hear.)

During my later high school years I ran with a pretty tame crowd. The boys did rent an R-rated movie once (and I made them take me home, thank you very much), but that was about as edgy as we got. We had a lot of crazy, goofy fun (taking any opportunity imaginable to dress up in our tackiest thrift store ensembles, etc.), but we were a pretty well-behaved bunch.

And I think it's because of the banana cookies.

Jodi's mom made these delicious frosted chocolate chip banana cookies, and they were always available. Sister Traveller would make several batches at a time and keep them in the fridge in a big plastic container, stacked with wax paper. There was never a day without banana cookies at that house, and it was one of the reasons we spent so much time there.

Jodi's house was usually the main gathering location for our group of friends. And it's not because her parents let us get away with anything. It's because of the banana cookies. We watched movies, we planned out our student government campaigns, we did algebra homework and we ate banana cookies. And when the boys weren't there, we talked about boys. And Jodi's mom was audience to all of it. She deserved to be a part of everything because she kept us all full of banana cookies.

So if you want to keep your kids and their friends on the straight and narrow, follow these simple instructions:

Ingredients:
2.5 cups flour
1.5 tsp. bk.pwd.
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp. bk.soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
Mix and set aside

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 cup mashed banana (aprox. 2.5 bananas)
1 pkg. choc. chips

Mix butter and sugar 'til fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla, beat well. Alternate dry ingredients and mashed banana. Stir in choc. chips. 350, 10 mins. (I had to bake mine longer.)

Frosting:
2 tb. butter
1/4 cup mashed banana (aprox. 1/2 banana)
2 cups pwd. sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla

Whip until smooth. Frost cooled cookies.

Things that could have gone better

Since Sue announced that she was going to do "Very Funny Friday," I wanted to participate (Even though Sue doesn't know who I am).

I wondered how I could be sure I was "very funny." But THEN!

Wonder Woman posted about a very embarrasing date story, and that made me think, "Hey! I've made a fool of myself LOTS of times!"

Story #1 (inspired by Wonder Woman's story): I was dating a boy in college. After we said goodnight after a date, I was walking backwards as I smiled, waved, batted my eyes, and fell down the stairs backwards. That could have gone better.

Story #2: This happened just two nights ago. I attended a recipe group which was held at a home in a very nice neighborhood. As I was outside gathering all the things I needed to make the drink, another car pulled up. I didn't recognize the woman who got out of the car, but I'm new to the ward so that was no surprise. She asked me if I needed help, and I told her, "Nope! I just need to lock up the car because we are in a pretty scary neighborhood." I sensed she didn't know I was joking. When we both walked inside, she introduced herself as the host's mother, and I realized that I just told her that her daughter lives in a very scary part of town. That could have gone better.

(Note to self: Don't try to be funny if they don't know you. People don't always get it, and then they think you're weird. Like the nurse at the doctor's office last week. As she was trying to lace up an ankle brace that wasn't going to fit because your leg is too thick you said, "It's the same reason I can't wear tall sexy boots." She didn't care about that.)

Story #3: My mother-in-law told me she loves my blog but wondered why I chose such a demeaning name for it ("Good Frau"). I told her it's because that is what her son calls me all the time. That could have gone better.

That will have to do for now. I like to keep things short around here, AND I have to write a talk for Sunday. And the sooner I get that done, the sooner I give myself permission to go to Costco and to go shopping for some sexy jeans.

My magic red coat

I am in love with my new red coat. After a tireless search, I finally found the perfect coat. And did I mention it's red? I love it.

The day after I bought it, I couldn't wait to leave the house, just so I could wear my coat. Dave asked me if I had planned my clothes around my coat. Of course I had. He told me he thought so.

So while I was all gussied up, he took a bunch of goofy pictures of me. Dave is an excellent photographer, but I'm afraid the coat is not actually magic, and it didn't actually make me look 40 pounds thinner. So you don't get to see those ones.

Instead, I took matters into my own hands (really... I had the camera in my own hands), and I took a few glamour shots of myself. You can see one of those.

You're welcome. Oh, and look. My new red coat makes me irresistible.

Eager

That's me. Eager.

I'm in a new town and a new ward, and I've moved around a lot since I got married almost 8 years ago. It's been hard for me to adjust to all this moving.

Now that we're in a place we plan to stay indefinitely, I've decided I'm going to throw myself into whatever I can. I am eager to make friends. I'm eager to make casseroles. I'm eager to bring a bag of chips to your humanitarian effort. I'm eager to stalk my neighbors' blogs (and even leave comments!) to get to know some girls around here. I'm eager to take my son to a Mom & Tot tumbling class. I'm eager to stop you at the dollar store and introduce myself because I recognize you from church.

So if I seem a little too eager, well, I am. But I'm really glad to be where I am, and I'm excited to finally settle down.

Maybe they should re-think this one.

Last week, my husband stumbled upon possibly the worst invention in the history of mankind.

Let me tell you the story.

My dear, smart, hard-working husband was in a meeting at work. While someone else was speaking, my husband was fiddling with a dry-erase marker, pushing the cap on and off. He noticed the marker had an appealing apple scent, so he gave it a couple good whiffs.

This is the point when his participation decreased significantly, because he was high.

I couldn't stop laughing when he told me the story, picturing my young professional husband in a corner sniffing markers. He said it wasn't quite like that and that I have nothing to be embarrased about.

He said he felt sick all day and he was still a little light-headed when he came home.

So why would someone think this is a good idea? I have lots of good ideas. In fact, I am going to be a millionare someday with one of my good ideas... wait and see! My ideas are GOOD for you and won't even get you fired!

His biggest fan

If you know me or if you ever read my other blog (the one that's private now), you know that during the last season of American Idol, I was a huge fan of David Archuleta. As in... chasing him down with a bunch of 12-year-olds outside his high school while I was carrying a 1-year-old. I am not proud of that. Or am I?

(This was obviously before I attended the SLC auditions and realized the whole thing is a big SCAM! No, just kidding..... but why did they let me sing so long? WHY?!)

Anyway.

Apparently I'm not as big a fan as my little brother (a 26-year-old father of 1.5), who gets David Archuleta fan updates texted to his phone frequently. He said it was by accident that he signed up for the updates.

Sure it was. I also accidentally voted for him like, a ka-trillion times after the finale.

I spent my extra second...

Happy New Year!

I read a story on KSL.com tonight (still haven't learned my lesson) about how the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service decided to add one second to the end of 2008, meaning that the last minute of 2008 was actually 61 seconds long. It's to adjust the time to the earth's slowing rotation, apparently.

I did some math, and I decided it would be more efficient to add a whole minute every 8,640 years.

Now, how do I get on that committee?