Thursday, April 2, 2009

Left to my own

On Tuesday night as my smart, adorable husband was on the brink of sleep, I remembered something.

"Hey hon..." I whispered. "This is a really bad time for me to mention this, but have you heard about that bad computer virus that's supposed to activate tomorrow?"

"Huh? Where did you hear about it?" he asked, sure that I had fallen for an April Fool's joke.

I told him I had heard about it on the radio and read more about it online.

"What's it supposed to do?" he asked, expecting me to have something smart to say, which I didn't. He's a database administrator, so any explanation I would have tried to give would have just sounded stupid.

So with 15 minutes remaining before the clock would turn over to April 1, I ran downstairs to find something smart to say.

Back upstairs: "It could turn our computer into a robot."

Smart, right?

Dave hadn't heard anything about it, and since I'm obviously not to be trusted handling it on my own, we decided we would unplug the internet until he could get some sleep and learn more about it, and make sure our computer was safe.

(Reading more about it today I see that there wasn't a significant risk to us, but ANYway...)

So yesterday I had a whole day with no internet. Dave was thrilled with the idea. Maybe he expected to come home to a spotless house and a wife in a red and white polka-dotted dress holding a casserole.

Disconnected from the outside world, I took the opportunity to finally take care of something that's been on my to-do list for a good 15 years. I finally learned how to play FreeCell.

(This was after a few games of Minesweeper because, as you know, "Those mines aren't going to sweep themselves.")

When I won my first FreeCell game and it asked if I wanted to play again, with big eyes I said to my computer, "Um... yeah." Because my brain really liked it.

I knew I needed to catch up on housework, but I feared the precedent it would set. I knew Dave would think all he needed to do to have a good housefrau was unplug the internet every day before work.

But I decided to be a good frau and work on the house the rest of the day. And I really did get a lot done! And I learned that maybe I really do spend too much time on the computer, because I had so much free time when it was disconnected. Imagine all the things I could do! I could bake cookies and cakes for friends like my friend Jennika! I could go jogging like my friend Diana! (Baby steps. We'll start with walking.) I could teach scrapbooking classes like my friend Crystal! (After I learn to scrapbook, which I'm not really in the mood for.)

We decided that because I am not good at moderating myself and I actually enjoy doing those domestic things that good fräuleins do, that we would disconnect the internet every Tuesday and Thursday. Except for today, of course, because we just did it yesterday and two days in a row would probably send me into shock.

And, if you were wondering, I do not know where to plug in the internet cord (am I being too technical with terms like "internet cord"?), and I don't want to learn.


Kristina P. said...

Oh my goodness! I have just rediscovered Freecell again. I prefer Mahjong, however.

wonder woman said...

I am LAUGHING!!! I used to play Freecell all the time, then got bored with it. (Also, Superman is old-school and still thinks facecards are evil. He never said it, but I suspect he thought just a little bit less of me for it.) I switched to minesweeper, and have seen the Youtube video. Hilarious.

I'm glad you had a productive day. Every now and then, for whatever reason, I avoid the computer all day and am really productive. It's good and bad, really.

I'm glad your computer didn't turn into a robot. I would miss you. As I will T/TH, but I'll get over it.

p.s. have I mentioned that I love your easter eggs?

Lisa said...

That might be my favorite Office quote ever.

Interesting idea to unplug it a couple of times a week. Hmmm....don't tell Joel you're doing that.

And your post was not lame. Mine was just overly-obsessive-fangirl. I think I need to calm down.

*LaUrA* said...

ahahaha...this is the best are hilarious! One time I forgot to pay the internet bill and we got disconnected...we all sat on the couch and stared at each other not knowing what to do with then we called and made a payment over the phone and within minutes we were back to normal:)

Excellent idea with unplugging the cord...I need to do that as well...the only thing is...I know how to plug it back in:(

I can totally picture you in the polka dot dress holding a casserole with your hair flipped should totally do it...but make it a good casserole k!

julie said...

I love Freecell! Haha! I think every blogging mom would benefit from this..hey, and if all of us unplugged Tuesdays and Thursdays we wouldn't feel like we were missing something important..Time for you to start a revolution!

Emily said...

That's a good idea, Julie! Should we start a blog/movement together?

Diana said...

Tuesdays and Thursdays is an excellent choice. Those are the days that I'm working at home so running, er... I mean walk/running, would be totally fantastic. I can't turn my internet off, cuz of the whole I still am working at home and how would I check my emails 13928 times a day.... so during those run dates, I'll keep you abreast of all the happenings you are "missing" that day. It almost makes perfect sense... I'm surprised I thought of it.

Rachel said...

Maybe I should follow your example. . . Hmmm. or night. I might just die. :)

Elizabeth C said...

You are so stinkin hilarious Emily. You make me laugh. I love the part about he expected to come home to his wife in a polka dotted dress with a casserole in hand. But I hear ya about spending lots of time on the internet. I just barely got it, and I don't know how we lived without it for so long. I am trying to moderate my time on it and not go too crazy. :)

Valentine said...

i hear there is a "computer turning into robot epidemic." you are wise to be concerned LOL
i love your blog!

Liz Brown said...

I have to look back and laugh now. The whole virus thing is too stinking funny! I don't know if one really did come out or not, but the next day, on April 1st, I had a call at work (remember that I work at Dell, and for any other readers) where a guy was completely distraught because his anti virus software told him he did not have a virus. He was convinced he did, though! He was absolutely livid over the whole thing. Got me out of work for an hour while he whined to my manager, though! haha