My turn-of-the-century education

Do you notice how fast the world is changing?

I was thinking about my college education. I went to Ricks College from 1999-2001, so I haven't even been out of college for a full decade. But even so, I know that kids in college right now are having a much different experience than I had only a few years ago.

When I was in school, hardly anyone had a cell phone. There was no texting. If I wanted to leave a message for a cute boy, I would go to his apartment and write a note on his whiteboard. Almost every apartment had a whiteboard for this purpose. Do you think college kids have phased that practice out? It would kind of be a shame.

My classmates and I carried floppy discs with us everywhere we went. I never did my homework on the same computer twice, so I had to save everything to that precious little disc. If I would have tried to e-mail all those documents to myself, it would have shut down my Hotmail account. Anything over about 10k was a pretty massive file... back in the day.

And speaking of computers, I remember going to the library and finding that every computer in the lab was in use. I would pull up a chair and wait. At my apartment, I had an unreliable dial-up internet connection with a giant, boxy desktop computer, but if I needed to get something done between classes I was at the mercy of the computer lab and its occupants.

When it was time for the computer lab to close, the library would start playing really loud, obnoxious music to get everyone to leave.

Today my alma mater has a "laptop initiative" so that every student will have their own laptop. I'm sure it's much more convenient and I can definitely see the benefit, but does it take some of the charm out of being part of a college community? Maybe it doesn't. It's just so different than what I knew.

One thing that I hopefully helped phase out was the giant video cameras that the broadcasting students used for our school projects. I think news agencies still use large video cameras, but these things were GINORMOUS! And probably about 30 pounds, resting on your shoulder. They used VHS tapes, so I'm assuming they are mostly gone by now, but I could be way off. I did my part to help phase those out, tripping going up the stairs between the library and the MC while I was carrying one. My bad.

And you should have seen the archaic equipment we used to edit videos. It was housed in the Kirkham Building, which is long gone now (sniff, sniff), so I imagine they have upgraded to more current technology. In fact, I keep trying to find Google images of some of this stuff, but it seems to be ancient history.

When I was in school, there was no Facebook. GASP! In fact, if I wanted to flirt with someone, I had to do it in person. There was no tagging pictures. We had to actually look through each other's real-life, printed photo albums.

And I almost forgot about the excitement of taking my rolls of film to Walmart! Double prints please! Going to pick them up was such a thrill, because I didn't always know what the pictures would be (especially if I accidentally left my camera with sneaky people). No one had a digital camera yet, so we had to be careful not to waste film. And sometimes that meant one roll would have pictures from two or three months. By the time they were developed, I had mostly forgotten what they were going to be.

The thing is, we felt like we were living and learning in a technologically advanced time. And we were. But things just keep changing and it seems like time is on turbo. What will the world be like when my kids are in college?

The winner is...

Thanks to everyone who participated and voted in the contest.

The votes have been tallied, and first place goes too:

MADDIE!

Congratulations, Maddie!

Here is what Maddie's Mommy said this morning in an e-mail:

Wow! What generous voters you have! Maddie is so excited and wants to put some of the money in her piggie bank. That was unprompted, she must be her father's child! I offer up toys and she asks about a savings plan!

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Honorable mentions go to Debbie, who had the second highest number of votes with her Strawberry Shortcake...

And Laura, who appealed most to our male voters.



The votes were really close! Thanks for playing!

Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee

I have a girls night tonight. A sleepover even. I'm going to a fancy cabin somewhere out of cell phone range with a bunch of women from my ward.

When I was invited, I said to my friend, "It sounds like a lot of fun but I've never left (my son) overnight before."

"None of us have," she said.

Oh yeah... This fact does not make me special. This is a first for most of us.

Anyway, I want to look cute tonight for dinner and whatever fun ensues at the cabin. (The husband of one of my friends is certain there will be lingerie and pillow fights... He'd sure like to come. He'd sure be disappointed.)

But, I swear, on the days I care the most about looking nice I end up looking like a total goof.

Take my high school reunion for instance. I carefully chose my outfit well in advance and had a mental image of how I would look. And I was hot! In my mind.

Then the night of the reunion rolled around and I put the plan into action.

And I ended up looking a lot like Nellie Oleson.

So hot.

But my dress was still cute.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't care about tonight. I know I'll have fun no matter what and nobody but I will care if my hair looks cute.

Tell me, do you spend extra time primping for a girls night? Have you ever had a big sleepover with a bunch of Mormon mommies?

I'm excited. I've had my pajamas picked out for weeks.

P.S. The votes for the coloring contest are pouring in. You have the rest of the weekend to vote for your favorite and get your friends to vote for you!

Your best work: Unveiled

The time has arrived! Thanks to everyone who has participated. This was a lot of fun to see what everyone would choose.

They are posted in random order (in the order they ended up in after all the uploads), mostly because it would be too hard to try to rearrange them in Blogger. And that's fair anyway, right?

Here's how the voting will work: Leave a comment and tell me who you vote for. Vote for someone besides yourself. I will turn on comment moderation so only I will see the comments with votes in them. I was going to just post a poll, but then everyone can see how many votes everyone is getting, and I decided against that.

You don't have to have entered the contest to vote. Invite your friends to come and vote for you, if you want.

Voting closes one week from today, on Monday, Oct. 19 at 11:59 p.m. Mountain Standard time.

DRUMROLL, PLEASE!

1.

Here is a pretty little witch just like from Jen. Ha ha... that wasn't very nice. Jen is my old roommate from Ricks College. She and I went the rounds back in the day, but now we're long-distance e-BFFs. I'd like you to notice that this witch has a style all her own, with green and blue highlights and swirlies on her skirt. Jen says she did this at work, so she should probably get fired because it looks like it took a fair amount of time.
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2.

Next we have my Mom's entry. I found it amusing and appropriate that she chose this one, because she's almost as forgetful as Dori. Don't worry. She'll laugh at that now and then forget about it tomorrow. Beautiful work, Mom.
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3.

This is from my fun, pretty cousin-in-law, Melissa. Melissa is very creative and I always love her style. I love the colors she used.

Melissa's husband, Mike, is my cousin and just barely younger than me, so we were always buddies. I've only met Melissa in person before they were married (because we don't live close), but I love her and I've loved getting to know her better through our blogs. And look at that attention to detail in her page. She even colored in the white parts.

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4.

Next, we have Maddie's entry. Maddie is Melissa's little girl, and you might notice that she's getting really close to coloring inside the lines.

Melissa sent me this note along with Maddie's entry:

"Maddie wanted to join in the fun too! She also wanted to give you a sticker, but we couldn't figure out how to get it to you. She suggested that she give it to Daddy, he put it on his finger, and take it to you. So lets just pretend that is what happened! Personally, I'm amazed that she actually used different colors on her picture and attempted to color in the images, not just scribble! Its an improvement! :)"

Thanks for the sticker, Maddie! And good luck!
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5.

And here we have Laura. Laura is a friend from my formative years. We were two years apart in school, but we were friends with each other's brothers. And now, thanks to the World Wide Web, I feel like I know her better than I did back then. That's a good thing, but it makes me wish we would have known each other better then so we could have had sleepovers and stuff.

I must say I am quite impressed with Laura's entry. Something about this one looks 3-D to me. I found it to be quite artistic. I hope it's hanging on her fridge.
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6.

I actually witnessed the creation of this stunning piece. I'd say it's a real eye-catcher. This comes from Diana, my neighbor/BFF/walking buddy/only person who texts me/music producer. She got this one in just under the wire. Here is what she had to say about that:

"I know it is Monday morning..... but I'm really banking on that you'll be asleep and haven't checked your email yet. Or at least that you'll allow me a late day pass. My scanner was having issues and my dog ate my homework."

For her to know I was still asleep at 8:30 this morning, she was either on her roof peeking through our one uncovered second-story window, or she has just really gotten to know me.
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7.

Next is an entry from Dave. My husband. He would really like to save himself the $10 I plan to award to the winner. Thanks for the entry, Loverboy. Your page is not too big and it's not too tough, but with your skill and talent it's got the right stuff. GOOOO WONDERPETS! YAY!
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8.

Hillary, my big sister who's only 8-years-older than me, got super creative. This is a photo-turned-coloring-page of her daughter, Daphne. I must say I was astounded. And I don't even know how you get the colors that saturated. I told you. I never stood a chance against her skills.
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9.

This is where I get to brag that I have the coolest Dad in the whole wide world, because he entered my coloring contest. I hope Gaston likes his new pink tights. Very nice work, Dad.

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10.

Hannah Montana Shortcake comes courtesy of Debbie over at Cranberry Fries. She is a blog friend. I've never met her in person, but I hope I get to someday! I can tell from her blog that she is a very warm, friendly, caring person and I have enjoyed getting to know her. And she has a great sense of humor.

I'd like to point out the attention to detail. Check out those strawberries. I wouldn't have had the patience. It's quite lovely, Debbie. :)
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11.

This one comes from Laura's sister, Casey. Laura explains that Casey started this one with real intent, and then gave up when Laura's son, Carter, decided to help out with the orange guy at the top. I can see that this one had huge potential.
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12.

Carter (Laura's son) decided to get in on the contest as well! I especially like the pink clouds.
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13.

This one is serious business. It comes from Britney over at Happyful. She is a new blog friend and I love her blog. She is an excellent writer and I feel happyful when I read her blog. This one looks like it should be in a frame. Check out those waves. I'd take coloring lessons if she offered.
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This one comes from my amazingly talented Mother-in-law. Sadly, she disqualified herself because she used colored pencils before realizing that they were against the rules. But I thought it was really beautiful, so I wanted to share it anyway. It won't be among the official entries, but at least it's being shown. Thanks, Mom!
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And this one is mine. It is also not up for votes, but I still wanted to participate.


That's all! Please leave a comment with your vote and I will announce the winner in one week.

You can choose between:

1. Jen's Witch
2. Jacque Sue's Finding Nemo
3. Melissa's Hello Kitty
4. Maddie's Hello Kitty
5. Laura's Alien Civilization
6. Diana's Elmo & Pig
7. Dave's Wonderpets
8. Hillary's Portrait of Daphne
9. Dad's Gaston in Pink Tights
10. Debbie's Strawberry Shortcake
11. Casey's Scared Dragons & Volcanoes
12. Carter's Space Valley
13. Britney's Lilo & Stitch

Good luck to everyone, and THANK YOU so much to everyone who has participated! This has been a lot of fun.

Don't forget to vote and to invite your friends to come vote. Here's a link:

http://www.goodfrau.com/2009/10/your-best-work-unveiled.html

Also, congratulations to Laura! She wins the first $10 gift card for recruiting the most participants.

Vote for the winner in the comments. If you want to leave another comment that will show up, leave it separate from your vote. Thanks!

I concede!

My parents haven't called.

My guess is they are trying to figure out how to let me down gently.

So I concede. I should have known I didn't stand a chance.

So Hillary wins round 1 and I'm starting a new coloring contest. This time I'm going to put my heart and soul into it. It will be a masterpiece.

But don't let that intimidate you. Several of you have expressed interest in participating. Now's your chance! It's the chance of a lifetime!

Round 2 of the "Little Sister Gauntlet Coloring Battle," as Hillary has named it...

Begins

NOW!

Call your friends. Anyone is invited to participate.

There are only two rules.

1 - Your coloring page has to be from a kids coloring book or a website intended for kids.

2 - You have to use crayons. Contest officials will not tolerate the use of illegal colored pencils.


E-mail your entries by Sunday, Oct. 11 to goodfrau@gmail.com .

You don't have to be a regular reader of this blog to participate, but hopefully if you are a regular reader you're already sharpening your Crayolas.

Between now and then I will figure out a voting system and the winner will be chosen by readers. Winner gets a $10 Target gift card and the person who recruits the most friends to the contest gets a $10 Target gift card, so tell me in your e-mail who recruited you. You can win both prizes, because I'm in charge and I say so. And if I win I get to go to Disneyland.

Commence coloring!

Getting catty

My subconscious is on a mission to alienate me from the rest of mankind.

Three examples:

1. Yesterday I was playing Farkle on Facebook (because everything productive I could have been doing was done!.... er something). I used to always "sit" in the lobby and let someone choose me, because then I always got to go first, which put me at an advantage. What's the use of playing if you're not going to play to win... Am I right?! But too often that meant I was playing against men who got flirty in the chat box. And I'm taken by a man with smiley eyes. So lately I have been the one to choose someone to play against and I always choose women. Yesterday I clicked on a pretty girl about my age, and the first thing I wrote in the chat box was, "Ho." I meant to say, "Hi." I think she forgave me, until I kicked her butt in Farkle.
   
2. Today a friend posted on Facebook that she had gallstones and was going to have to have surgery. I, of course, clicked the "like" button, because gallstones are fun, right?! Thank goodness there is also an "unlike" button. I hope she will also forgive my mistake.
   
3. About 20 minutes ago, my son walked over to me and handed me a Tootsie Roll, asking me to open it for him. I did, and then out of habit I popped it right in my mouth instead of giving it back to him. He looked at me, confused about why I would do that to him. Luckily for him and for my hips (they're a little smallish... compared to a hippopotamus) we have vast amounts of candy left over from last week's Primary bribe, and I was able to supply a replacement Tootsie Roll right away.
   

P.S. My husband has a mission reunion tonight. Do you think I could lose 40 pounds by 6:30? Any tips?

Hillary brings out the big guns

I knew my sister would take the bait when I challenged her to a coloring contest.

Here is her entry:

Princess Tiana, in crayon

Total coloring time 21 minutes.

I would like to remind you that she is 8 years older than me. Please consider this in your evaluation of our work.

Anyone is invited to weigh in on the contest, but I would like our parents to please decide which coloring page wins. Because I'm pretty sure they would pick me no matter what.

(JK. BFF.)

And, obviously, I really want to win this. But in the spirit of sportsmanship, I would like to point out Hillary's subtle and lovely use of shading on Princess Tiana's glove.

My Mr. Smiley Eyes

Dave got a new driver's license yesterday.

He really hates those kind of chores, so he was not looking forward to it.

When I asked him how it went, he told me that he had to have his picture taken 3 times because the woman working the camera kept thinking his eyes were closed.

"I was like, 'This is just how my eyes are, lady!'" Dave said... to me. I know he wouldn't have actually said that to her.

I like his little smiley eyes.

One of my favorite games is to ask him to open his eyes as big as he can. I can guarantee myself a laugh as he tries his hardest to open them beyond capacity.

But if you're ever lucky enough to get a close look, you will see that his eyes are the prettiest ocean-blue you've ever seen.

I think he's really cute.


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In other news...

As I was coloring a blue elephant today, I was thinking about how jealous I was of my sister Hillary's coloring skills when I was a kid. She's only 8 years older than me, but her coloring skills were always highly superior to mine.

So I'd like to challenge her (and you, if you'd like to participate) to a coloring contest.

My first entry:
I know cranes aren't yellow and elephants aren't blue, but it's abstract. And it only took me, like, 15 minutes.

I like to hold babies.

Dave and I were going through old stuff last night, trying to get more organized, when I came across this gem of a picture. This was taken the winter after we were married, and the baby is the daughter of one of my best childhood friends. If this picture didn't scare Dave from procreating, nothing was gonna.



I also found this picture of my closet in college. I think maybe I liked stripes and really bright colors. I try to not feel too attached to things, but somehow I lost that first stripey sweater (on the left), and that still makes me sad. It was really cute. I bet one of my roommates stole it. Someone fess up, now!



And here's a picture I didn't remember, taken by a family friend and sent to us. And now it's bound for the refrigerator door.

Love hurts

Dave once spotted a snapping turtle on the side of a busy highway, preparing to cross. 

Not wanting to leave the turtle in such a treacherous situation, Dave hopped out of the car to save the day. It was a big turtle, and could have probably broken Dave's foot with one snap of its jaw. Dave ended up kicking it (as gently as possible) several times, to lift it off the ground and get it to a safer place. 

I bet that turtle thought Dave was a big jerk. 

Mom's new motto

(As Dave and I sat with my mom in her living room, my dad in the next room.)

Dad: I've been telling your mom to stop buying frozen stuff until she knows what's in the freezer. 

Dave: I've been telling Emily that for months!

Me (to my mom): He doesn't know that I keep a mental tab of what's in there. 

My Mom: I need a new mental tab. 

*I think my siblings will especially appreciate that exchange. For me, it brings back the memory of when she went to a health food store to buy some herbs to help her memory, and when she walked through the doors she stopped and said, "What am I here for?"

Broadening our horizons

Dave: Did you ever read "The Grapes of Wrath?"

Me: No.

Dave: You should.

Me: Why?

Dave: Because it's one of the great novels of our time!

Me: Have you ever read it?

Dave: I don't think so.

The Curious Case of a Good Frau

Dave and I have always been a tad concerned that as we age we might look funny together. Dave is perpetually youthful-looking, while I have been sprouting gray hairs since my early teens. He is four years older, but you probably wouldn't guess that.

When I met Dave at Ricks College, I assumed he was an 18-year-old freshman. Imagine my surprise, even my glee, when I learned that he was actually a 23-year-old returned missionary (read: marriage material).

Mmmm.... He was so cute in that sweater.

But in the last few months, something curious has begun. People are starting to frequently tell me that they are surpised about my age (28) because they expect me to be quite younger.

Dave and I were discussing this the other day as I stood in front of him wearing my American Idols tour T-shirt with my hair in pigtails, wondering why in the world people think I am younger than I am.

You may remember when I was at my cousin's wedding luncheon and the woman across the table was shocked when she saw my wedding ring, because she assumed I was a teenager. And I wasn't even wearing pigtails that day.

That conversation was not good for my grown-up self esteem, because we had already been talking for several minutes when she saw my ring. So, what was it about our conversation that made her believe I was a decade younger than I am? And why, on the phone a few days ago, did the woman trying to sell me a timeshare sound relieved when she learned I was older than 20? And why did the girl selling children's books door-to-door think I looked young to have a child?

This is a new trend, and I think it must be because my hair is getting longer. But I must also have a young-sounding voice.

When telemarketers ask for "the woman of the house" when I answer the phone, I put on my sexy, low radio voice and say, "This is the woman of the house."

And they're the only ones who get to hear my sexy radio voice since I retired it in 2001. Oh, unless someone leaks the video that was taken a few days ago of me reading a newscast about the old woman who swallowed a fly.

I love...

I love Sidral Mundet.

If you've never had it, you should at least give it a try. It is an apple-flavored soda and it is far and away my favorite carbonated beverage. It's not a syrupy, candy flavor. It's made with real apple juice. It's so delicious.

Albertson's and Walmart don't carry it (at least the ones in my neighborhood don't), but I think most grocery stores do. Especially the Western Family grocery stores (but this isn't a Western Family product). But it's not in the beverage aisle, it's with the Mexican foods. I don't know why it's not more popular with us gringos. 

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P.S. My husband just sent me this:

"The drink has been renowned in Mexico for its nourishing and hydrating abilities and has sometimes been used as a home remedy for stomach aches."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sidral_Mundet

If I was Miss America

First, let me tell you a little story. When I was 17 my best friend, Jessica, and I decided that we would compete in our local Miss Magic Valley Pageant, which was part of the Miss America organization. It's likely that, had we gone through with it, one of us would have eventually become Miss America. Highly likely.

But we didn't. We had priorities, and the pageant became less important when we found out it was being held on the same day that we could move into our apartment at Ricks College. We could have participated in the pageant and then moved in the next day, but we wanted to get there early to ensure we would share a bedroom.

We had chosen to live at the Colonial House, and in our mailed information we were told that check-in was no earlier than 2 p.m. on Saturday, July 10th, 1999. (This is where Dave will wonder why I have such a good memory of some things and such a bad memory of the things he wants me to remember.)  We decided we would get to Rexburg early and be ready to check in promptly at 2:00. 

When we got to Rexburg, around 1:00 or so, we were surprised to find that they had already checked everyone else into our 3-bedroom apartment. This meant that there were only 2 beds left, in separate bedrooms. We asked if someone would switch rooms so we could share a bedroom. We even showed them our matching bedspreads, but no one would budge. 

Brats. 

So I ended up sharing a bedroom that summer with Sara from California. She was nice enough. 

We gave up our chance to be beauty queens just so we could share a bedroom, and it backfired. But life went on. Sara moved out in the fall and Jessica moved in with me. Good thing, too, because later our roommates turned on us and we needed the refuge. 

Anyway, if I would have gone ahead with the pageant back then, my platform would have been to support music education in schools. That's something I still think is very important. 

However, if I was Miss America today I would FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT for infertility benefits. 

It frustrates me that people (like myself) who struggle with infertility, even with good insurance, don't get better benefits to make treatment more possible. I suppose those who decide what benefits to offer might not view infertility as an illness that needs to be treated, but why not?

Is my body not supposed to be able to function that way? Most people's bodies reproduce. If mine doesn't, which it is supposed to, why would that not be seen as something that should be covered as well as other health problems are covered?

I was lucky that I didn't have to have very much treatment before I was pregnant with my son. But we've been trying for a while again and it's not happening, so I've been looking into our benefits. We do have some benefits, but they're not great. So if we need extensive treatment this time around, much of it could be out of pocket. 

There's nothing wrong with having to save money for something that you want. But I just don't understand why infertility is not treated as the health issue that it is. 

Observations from the park

My Frauness

I was talking to a friend a few days ago who told me that she looked up "Frau" to learn what it meant. So I thought, in case anyone else isn't familiar with the term, I would do a little explaining.

My husband is of German descent and served a 2-year mission for our church in Germany. "Frau" is the German equivalent of "Mrs." or "Woman."

When I do something particularly domestic, like cooking a good dinner or cleaning the house, Dave is very happy and usually exclaims something like, "What a Good Frau!"

(I'm serious about the exclaiming part. He's a jubilant man.)

Most of you are probably Good Fräuleins all the time, but it's a special treat at our house.

When I first started this blog, the best address I could come up with was "bloggingistrendy" which I thought was clever until about one nanosecond after I shared the address with everyone.

So then I came up with "Good Frau," because it's what my David Dearest calls me. His mother once asked me why I chose a degrading name for my blog. But she decided it wasn't degrading anymore after I told her it was her son's nickname for me.

I think it's nice.

So, since I've been itching to change my address for a long time, I decided to take the plunge and buy a domain. It's only $10/year and Blogger redirects my old address to my new one (I'm not sure changing it to another blogspot address would do that).

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My blogging friend Valentine sure knows how to cheer a girl up. It's been one of those days. I'll spare you the details, because if I shared the details they would involve a fair amount of self pity and a small amount of unspeakable things that my dog did. And I have made a personal blogging vow to not write about those kinds of unspeakable things.

Anyway.

Valentine has been good to me. This is the second time she has passed along a blogging award to me, and it's nice to feel special. :)

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

I pick:

1. Rachel at "Trapped Between a Scream and a Hug."

2. Wonder Woman, who is "Taking on the World."

3. My new real-life BFF, Diana at "Worth the Waite."

4. Debbie at "Cranberry Fries."

5. Laura at "La Bella Vita."

6. Kristina at "Pulsipher Predilections." (Even though I know she won't post it. I'd still like her to know I appreciate her bloggy friendship.)

7. Jen from the Block.

And 8. One of my vintage friends, Nicke. She knew me when I was a teenager with my head in the clouds, and she still likes me. 

2 Legit

You can now see my blog at http://www.goodfrau.com/.

The old address will redirect to my new address, but feed reader users (like Google Reader) might need to subscribe to the new address to get updates. But I don't know. Maybe you won't.

That's all!

Play it safe. Go with the Speedo.

I actually uttered the words "Play it safe. Go with the Speedo," to a family member this weekend. At a wedding celebration, even.

But we'll get back to that later.
I usually save my Weekend Update for my other blog, but this time I feel a great need to share with you how awesome my family is.
We went to my hometown of Twin Falls, Idaho, this weekend for my cousin Steven's wedding.

He's one of my favorite people, so I was pretty excited for him. And for his new frau.

They're cute, huh?
I would love to tell you that the wedding was beautiful and wonderful. I'm sure it was. I didn't actually get to be there for that part because I lost my ticket to the venue. Oh well. I was there for all the other celebrations.
I have to say it was one of the most fun wedding celebrations I have been to. They had a nice reception Friday night with lots of yummy Chinese food (and we were the recipients of lots of leftovers).
Then they were married Saturday afternoon and we all gathered for a pasta dinner at Tomatoes in Twin Falls. Delicious! I sat with my parents across the table from friends of the bride's family. After about 10 minutes I raised my hand up near my face for some reason, and the woman I was sitting across from said, after seeing my wedding ring, "Oh! You're married! I thought you were a teenager."
She said it was because I looked "so young," but I've never heard that, so I didn't believe her. I am very paranoid that for some reason our conversation led her to believe I was much less mature than my 27-year-old self.
But here's the good part.
Apparently two of my cousins made a bet. I don't know when the bet was made or any other details, but it was decided that if Steven (the groom) ever got married (I don't know why he wouldn't... he's a pretty great guy... a little shy, though), that my cousin Ryan would have to run down the street in his undies.


I first heard about the bet at Tomatoes, from Ryan's wife. I told her that I hoped he didn't get arrested. She hoped not, too. She said they were debating between tighty whities or a Speedo. I told her to play it safe, in the eyes of the law (as if I know the law) and go with the Speedo.
So at 10:15 that night, the whole family gathered at Ryan's parents' house to witness the settlement of the wager.
Ryan showed up ready to run in his white boxer briefs, white socks and sneakers, and a white headband. His extended family and his old neighbors lined the street to watch him jog behind a truck, as those in the truck shined a spotlight and took a nice video, for posterity.
I don't know if my family will ever be able to live up to the precedent that was set at this wedding.
Tell me, did anyone run down the street in their skivvies for your wedding?
Me neither.

Morning

My husband would love it if I was more of a morning person.

And so would my Kindergarten teacher. My parents had to take me out of morning Kindergarten and put me in the afternoon class because mornings and I were already at odds when I was 5 years old.

And so would my 7th grade general music teacher. It was the first class of the day, and I arrived just a minute or two late at least 90 percent of the time. As the rest of the class sat silently in their riser seats, I would walk in, unpack my notebook and walk to my seat with a captive audience. I'm more embarrased about that now than I was back then.

And so would my early morning seminary teacher. Let's just say we didn't get to know each other very well.

And so would my high school zero-hour goverment teacher. I racked up enough tardies in his 7 a.m. class to spend several days in the "pass room" (in-school suspension). He had no mercy.

And so would my college French professor. My mom and I thought it would be a good idea for me to sign up for this 8:00 class my freshman year, to help me "get going" every morning. Not a good idea. He seemed to enjoy saying mean things about me in French, which he assumed I didn't understand. I wouldn't understand now, but I did then! I passed, but probably just so he wouldn't have to deal with me again.

And so would my first full-time boss. He threatened to cut my pay by 50 cents an hour if I was late even one more time. Which I wasn't. Thanks for the life lesson, Mr. Porter.

I could go on, but I think you get it. Becoming a morning person (if I choose to accept the mission), could prove to be an exceptional challenge.

P.S. This is way off topic, but I just bought my son a bunch of really cute clearance items from The Children's Place. I also used a promotional code from this website. But the reason I'm telling you this is because I need to have a baby girl. Someday, please! Boy clothes can be fun and cute, but I would really love to dress up a girl someday. 

Stuck in high school

I have to meet with my high school guidance counselor at noon today, to discuss if and how I am going to graduate with my class. 

Apparently I've only been attending choir, orchestra and English, and I'm failing the rest of my classes. And graduation is next week. 

I'm totally stressed out about it, even though it was just a dream. 

I have heard that high school dreams are fairly common. I have them all the time and they are definitely my most stressful dreams. About 80 times more stressful than high school actually was. 

I have always had them, but more often now that I have been helping to track down classmates for our reunion this summer. Some of these people haven't crossed my path or my mind for 10 years, so being reminded of all my classmates seems to have freshened this recurrent dream. 

This was the first time I actually made an appointment with a guidance counselor to try to get it worked out (in my dream), so I'm making progress. Maybe in another 10 years I will have it all sorted out so I can stop stressing myself out in my real life. 

Do you have dreams like this?

Coupons!

In my last post I mentioned subscribing to the newspaper, even though I didn't want to. I'm a people-pleaser, and I couldn't say no to that nice old man at Smith's. Especially after he was so impressed that I used to write for newspapers. It seemed relevant to the conversation. I don't think I was bragging. But I could have been. It's one of only a few things about me that makes me seem smart, so it comes up... you know?

Anyway, I had to give my husband a good reason for subscribing, so I told him I would use the coupons from the Sunday paper.

I have never been coupon shopping before, but I have several friends who get really excited about it, and even post pictures of their super deals online. So I thought I would give it a try and see if I could have a similar experience.

So here's what I learned from my first coupon shopping experience:

• Don't go coupon shopping on Monday afternoon. By that time most of the good stuff is cleared out and not re-stocked. And it might make you want to swear.
• Don't try to converse with the checker. She can think of about a billion better places to be than behind the checkout on coupon day. Like prison.
• If your toddler falls asleep in the shopping cart because your shopping trip takes most of the day, it doesn't make you a bad mom. It's even kind of cute. And it doesn't make you a bad mom. It doesn't make you a bad mom.
• When you have just spent most of your day grocery shopping and cashing in on all the great deals, and you don't know what you're going to fix your family for dinner, you're doing something wrong.

So I'd like to ask all you coupon shoppers out there, is it worth it? Is all the time it takes to go through the ads and then search the shelves for the exact right item really worth it?

What did I do wrong? I haven't caught the bug just yet. I know there are websites out there that help, but is there anything that is easy to use if your life and your brain are not very organized?

If I was going to finally post something new, I would tell you:

• About how I invited my mother to come help me with my flowerbeds last weekend, and how I then felt bad for making a nearly 60-year-old woman work so hard.
• About how my mom is really the best mom in the universe. If I would have known how much work it was going to be, I wouldn't have had the guts to invite her to help with my flowerbeds. But she did know how much work it was going to be. And she still came!
• About how I'm a sucker. In the last few weeks I've: 1. Signed up for newspaper delivery (even though I knew they would just pile up, but I've got a soft spot for the plight of newspapers and for nice old men in sales). 2. Bought a $35 bottle of cleaner from a door-to-door salesman to help keep him off the streets. 3. Purchased a book to have it signed, just because the man there for the book signing looked lonely because no one would buy his book at Costco. (And don't get me started on the Fraternal Order of Police. If they can trick me into answering the phone {which they did this year}, they are going to get my money.)
• About how I've lost at least 2 pounds. I know that's not a huge accomplishment, but the number is going the right way!

I now bequeath

Valentine is my lovely new blogging friend. Her blog, "Letters from Valentine" is new and fun, and I've enjoyed it very much so far.

This award was given with no rules, so I decided to pass it along to three of my favorite blogging friends.

My mom always tried to teach me that there were more important things about people than a sense of humor, but it didn't stick. All three of the following ladies make me laugh and, just as importantly, they seem to get me when I'm trying to be funny, too.

First, I will introduce you to my friend Diana. She is a blogging friend and a real-life friend. I forget which came first. I met her when she and her family delivered a delicious plate of fudge to my house when I first moved to the neighborhood, but I feel like I really got to know her when I started stalking her blog. It was then that I realized that she was my kind of girl, for sure. Before I was brave enough to leave a comment, I read this post, in which Diana inflicts serious psychological harm on an Iceberg drive-thru employee. I also enjoyed her account of a friendly (or not-so-friendly) race with a fellow neighborhood runner. I was sure the dog in the story (which she pepper-sprayed) was mine, but it wasn't. Which actually wouldn't make sense anyway, since Diana has requested to borrow my dog. Anyway, she's a funny lady and I'm super lucky to live right across the street from her.

Next, I would like you to meet Julie. Julie was in my brother's high school class, so I knew her a little, but I feel like I know her better now thanks to the wonders of technology.

(I think this calls for a soundtrack. And in fact, this song applies to both of the recipients so far. I know Julie better now through blogging than I did when I used to see her at school all the time, and Diana met her one true love, the one who makes her salvivate, online.)

Now, back to Julie. She's always looking out for the rest of us. Like when she told us to say nothing about other people's baby names. Ever. This post also contains valuable advice about staying virtuous as a teenager and other "Jules" of wisdom. Ha ha ha.... I made that up myself. Oh, and here she saves you a whole $5 (or however much a magazine costs) by reviewing an issue of Cosmo and offering her own helpful tips. You know what kind of tips I'm talking about.

And last but never least, my former nemesis, Jen. Jen was my roommate at Ricks College who went from being my buddy to my enemy who kept too much water in the fridge and cut me off from her wardrobe after an especially heated argument in which I accused her of keeping too much water in the fridge. Years later we reconnected on MySpace and buried the hatchet. Now I consider her one of my favorite people and dearest friends. As long as we don't have to share a refrigerator, Jen and I should be just fine. Especially because I wouldn't even fit in her clothes anymore. And she lives about 2,000 miles away.

ANYway...

Jen has aspirations to become Dooce II, and how could I blame her? Who wouldn't love to make $40k a month from their blog? So I'm doing my part to bring Jen fame and fortune by introducing my tens of readers to her.

Jen always has great ideas for home decorating and she might be a little bit addicted to spray paint. And she likes the same TV shows that I like, which is really important.

So Diana, Julie and Jen, I hope you feel honored! :) I'm not giving you any rules. Post the award on your blog or don't. Pass it along or don't. But know that I think you're all awesome.

P.S. You might notice that today is Thursday and I'm not supposed to be online Tuesday and Thursday. But Dave didn't unplug the internet. I could pretend not to be online to save face, or I could just carry on. But my house is clean-ish and I made cookies like a good frau... so that's what matters, right? And my son is learning a lot about teamwork as he watches "Wonderpets" on my lap.

Left to my own

On Tuesday night as my smart, adorable husband was on the brink of sleep, I remembered something.

"Hey hon..." I whispered. "This is a really bad time for me to mention this, but have you heard about that bad computer virus that's supposed to activate tomorrow?"

"Huh? Where did you hear about it?" he asked, sure that I had fallen for an April Fool's joke.

I told him I had heard about it on the radio and read more about it online.

"What's it supposed to do?" he asked, expecting me to have something smart to say, which I didn't. He's a database administrator, so any explanation I would have tried to give would have just sounded stupid.

So with 15 minutes remaining before the clock would turn over to April 1, I ran downstairs to find something smart to say.

Back upstairs: "It could turn our computer into a robot."

Smart, right?

Dave hadn't heard anything about it, and since I'm obviously not to be trusted handling it on my own, we decided we would unplug the internet until he could get some sleep and learn more about it, and make sure our computer was safe.

(Reading more about it today I see that there wasn't a significant risk to us, but ANYway...)

So yesterday I had a whole day with no internet. Dave was thrilled with the idea. Maybe he expected to come home to a spotless house and a wife in a red and white polka-dotted dress holding a casserole.

Disconnected from the outside world, I took the opportunity to finally take care of something that's been on my to-do list for a good 15 years. I finally learned how to play FreeCell.

(This was after a few games of Minesweeper because, as you know, "Those mines aren't going to sweep themselves.")

When I won my first FreeCell game and it asked if I wanted to play again, with big eyes I said to my computer, "Um... yeah." Because my brain really liked it.

I knew I needed to catch up on housework, but I feared the precedent it would set. I knew Dave would think all he needed to do to have a good housefrau was unplug the internet every day before work.

But I decided to be a good frau and work on the house the rest of the day. And I really did get a lot done! And I learned that maybe I really do spend too much time on the computer, because I had so much free time when it was disconnected. Imagine all the things I could do! I could bake cookies and cakes for friends like my friend Jennika! I could go jogging like my friend Diana! (Baby steps. We'll start with walking.) I could teach scrapbooking classes like my friend Crystal! (After I learn to scrapbook, which I'm not really in the mood for.)

We decided that because I am not good at moderating myself and I actually enjoy doing those domestic things that good fräuleins do, that we would disconnect the internet every Tuesday and Thursday. Except for today, of course, because we just did it yesterday and two days in a row would probably send me into shock.

And, if you were wondering, I do not know where to plug in the internet cord (am I being too technical with terms like "internet cord"?), and I don't want to learn.

You're gettin' old, Frau! Ha HA!

That's what Dave said to me this morning as I medicated a lingering headache, brought on by a loud concert last night.

But am I even allowed to grow out of my teeny bopper stage before I'm fitted for support hoes and a cane?

You see, I spent Friday night in the midst of fellow David Archuleta fans at his concert in Salt Lake City. The crowd was probably 90 percent female, and 85 percent shrieking female. My ears are still ringing exactly 24 hours since the close of the show. And Dave thought I was mad at him last night because I kept yelling.

Anyone who has read my blog for a while knows that I'm a big fan, and president of the David Archuleta Fan Club for Married Girls Who are Too Old to Have a Crush but Still Might Be a Little Obsessed.

Make that "Former President." I think I've been demoted because my concert buddy sister-in-law might be a bigger fan. I know. You didn't know that was possible because you know that I chased him down last year during his hometown visit, packing my 1-year-old. But so did she. And her husband (my brother) is an honorary member of the club, since he gets juicy text messages from Brother Archuleta frequently.

Back to the concert. It was a lot of fun. David Archuleta is a great performer and seems so confident on stage now. He was full of energy and I couldn't believe he could keep singing song after song with all that bouncin' around like a Tigger (Sorry... We've been watching a lot of Tigger lately). If it were me (and it wasn't, because American Idol rejected me) I would have needed a minute to catch my breath in between songs, but we already established that I'm getting old.

It was a fun girls night! Thanks to our men for going out of their way to get us to the concert and keep the munchkins for the night.

Here we are. I'm the one with the Lisa Loeb glasses and she's the one with the Taylor Swift hair.

Maybe this is the Excedrin talking

My mom was here for an overnight visit Sunday and Monday. I mentioned to her that I had found an old pin of hers that had her highest bowling score from back in the day engraved on it. For some reason it was in one of my jewelry boxes.

Her score was 187. She told me she got that score when she was on diet pills (this would have been in the 70s or 80s, I believe).

"Boy, did those things work," she said.

She told me the pills made her stronger and more focused. Basically a super-version of her regular self.

But after a while she wasn't feeling so well and she decided to stop taking the diet pills, at which point her bowling team wondered what happened to their star player.

I've already told you about my desire to lose weight, so I won't bore you with that again, except to say that the thought briefly crossed my mind that maybe I ought to give diet pills a try.

And then I remembered that I can't even take Excedrin without getting giddy and jumpy and wanting to start a ballroom dancing club. Seriously. This has happened twice.

I used to be a newspaper reporter. On two separate occasions at two different newspapers I was dealing with a migraine that I had to get rid of to keep working into the late-night hours. So both times I went to a nearby drugstore and bought Excedrin. And both times I found myself in an exceptionally good mood and hardly able to sit still. And both times I couldn't wait to get my work done so I could get started on forming my own ballroom dance club. And the second time this happened was when I made the connection:

Maybe this is the Excedrin talking.

I was a ballroom dancer before ballroom dancing was cool. (It's cool now, right?) I started when I was 11 and I was pretty serious about it throughout my teenage years. Along with my brother and my other dance partner, Martin, I would compete several times a year and perform anywhere we were invited. We competed at the national championships at BYU every year, and Martin and I even placed 4th in the waltz and quickstep at the nationals in 1995. That was my biggest dancing accomplishment, I think.

Now a decade later, some of the dancers we competed against are gracing the "Dancing with the Stars" stage. It's fun to see them doing so well and having that opportunity. They wouldn't remember us, but they were the standouts back then, so we remember them.

Our dance teacher was an awesome teacher and a shady businesswoman. My parents had finally had enough of her financial dishonesty and decided to take their business elsewhere. Which meant that if we wanted to keep taking lessons, we had to make a big drive every time.

First we went to Nancy. She was about a three-hour drive away and we saw her every couple weeks. She liked to pick on me. She once pointed out to me and the rest of the class that my legs were not very pretty. Thanks a ton, Nancy!

That didn't last long. After that my mom set up lessons with a few different teachers in the Provo area (about a 4-hour drive from home every other week). The most exciting part of that was taking private lessons from Rick Robinson, who was a legend to us. He was one of those dancers who was so captivating that even if there were 99 other dancers on the floor, you couldn't take your eyes off him. And now we were under his tutelage. He taught us the best routines we had ever danced, and they are still the routines we feel like dancing when we hear a good cha-cha beat.

I say "we" because often when my little brother, Joel, hears a good cha-cha beat he'll reach out his hand to me and indicate it's time to dance. Even if we're at the grocery store or somewhere equally as inappropriate for putting on a dance recital. And I have a feeling if I weren't so shy about it, he'd actually dance the whole routine with me, right there.

I don't remember how long the Provo lessons lasted, but it became too expensive and time-consuming to keep making the big trip. We were still performing locally, but we weren't learning anything new and we weren't competing so much anymore. I did try to start a ballroom club at my high school, but ballroom wasn't cool yet so it fizzled.

Then I went to Ricks College. I had been out of the dancing scene for a year or two, but I was excited to get back into it there. I danced on the summer team and then the fall semester started and it was time for auditions. For some reason I wasn't sure if I was actually going to try out or not, but at the last minute I threw on a skirt and headed up to the MC.

Auditions were a disaster. The whole thing lasted for about an hour, and they picked all the new members from what they saw in that short time period. I had three chances to dance, and each time they had the men choose their partners, so I had no control over who I danced with for my audition. They had about 10 couples dance at a time, for about 90 seconds at a time.

My first partner had just learned the basic cha-cha step that night, so we danced the basic cha-cha over and over and over and over. The next guy had been in a social dance class during the summer term, so he knew a little, but not a lot. And the last guy was on the team, but hadn't taken lessons. So he knew all their group routines, but none of the basics and he was trying to lead me in all kinds of crazy things I had never learned. So I never really got to show anything that I knew, and subsequently I did not make the team. As a further blow to my ego, my best friend, who had danced other types of dance all her life but who only knew the few ballroom steps that I had taught her, made the team. I was happy for her, but so sad for me. This was also the week that I didn't make it into the choir I had hoped to be in. Just an all-around bummer.

Joel and I did participate in one more competition, at Ricks, where we placed 6th or something in the novice category (is that right, Joel?). Eventually I was encouraged to try out for the "Winter" team, and so I did. This time I made it, but it was around the same time that I really got into journalism and was working for KRIC-FM. I had to leave dance practice early every time to make it to my on-air shift, so after a few weeks I decided to leave the team and focus on my radio job, which I really loved. I was top dog there, or at least I felt like it... and it was a good feeling.

After a couple more hometown performances my career in ballroom came to an end. I didn't know it then, though. I'm glad that our last performance was one of our best. Joel and I choreographed a really fun swing number for a benefit show my mom put on in our hometown. I didn't know then that it would be the last time I would perform in front of an audience, and I wish so much that I had a recording of it.

It's something I really miss. I also really miss singing with a group (and I don't mean church choir... I love participating in the church choir, but that's not what I'm talking about). I've tried off and on to rally others to participate in both ballroom clubs and singing groups, but no one is ever as excited about it as I am. Maybe someday I'll take enough Excedrin or diet pills to get something going for real.

Me = big baby

I recently discovered The Creative Junkie. She makes me laugh. But today she made me cry by posting the following videos. They're not sad at all, and they're not even trying to pull at my heartstrings... are they? But seeing all these strangers sharing such a joyful moment makes me feel all kinds of tear-inducing emotions.






And the making of:

I just thought to myself, "Oh fun! I could do my taxes today!"

Is it weird that I love filling out forms? I used to even think that I might enjoy a career in data entry.

But so far, this tax return is not looking so refund-y. Good thing this year is the year I'm going to get rich off of one of my good ideas. I just know it! And with all that money coming in, we won't even need a tax return.

And you know how I know this is the year? I was at Hobby Lobby yesterday (which is my favorite store in the whole wide world) picking up things for my latest awesome idea. When the guy at the checkout asked me what I was doing, I told him my plans and he said, "You have a creative mind. You should start a business."

I would have given him a $20 tip if I could have.

At the risk of you stealing my idea, and then my $$billions$$, I will share my project with you. But believe me, if I see these on Etsy I'm hunting you down!

They are mirrors for hanging on the wall, with pretty fabric around the edges. These ones are going in my living room, but I could make them in any kind of fabric for any kind of room and any kind of taste.

Seriously. Don't steal my idea. I'm not even going to tell you how to make them unless you'll hook me up with a patent attorney for my other awesome idea that I will never leak on the internet.

I'm going to post a poll on the side. Go vote.